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In 1987, an anonymous team of computer scientists
from the Kyrgyz Soviet Socialist Republic wrote a series of
children’s books based on the popular Choose Your Own Adventure
series. The books were hastily translated into English and a small
number were exported to America, but the CIA, fearing a possible
Soviet mind control scheme, confiscated them all before they could
Now declassified, the books have been lovingly converted to a
digital hypertext format and put online for the English-speaking
world to enjoy.
No, of course they aren’t real. They’re pretty damn funny,
though. Here’s how the first one opens:
You are a young girl from the Kyrgyz village of
Tash-Bashat. You live your life in the traditional style of a
Tash-Bashat child, which needs no introduction.
It is the night of a gibbous moon and your parents have wisely
cautioned against entrance into the nearby woods. How do you
If you enter woods, turn to page 17.
If you remain quiety in bounds of homestead, turn to page
And on page three:
You wisely adhere to parental strictures. No doom
befalls you and you go on to live healthily.
You have completed this story in the optimal number of page turns.
To claim your merit badge, write “I have done this” on a 76x127mm
index card and post it to:
Bishkek, Kyrgyz SSR
(Limit of first four hundred children to request merit
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